Thank you for joining us at 13 O’Clock News! This just in, firefighters are battling
a fire in downtown apartment building! We have Dan Peterson on the scene Dan, what do you have for us? Well, Tom, it’s bad news,
the apartment building’s totally engulfed in flames And I have no marshmallows to make s’mores That sounds awful, Dan, are there any survivors? Uhm, just this dirty guy,
that smells like crispy bacon Sir, can you tell me
what it was like inside the building? Uhm.. well.. It was hot Well, no, sh*t it was hot!
The building’s on fire, you f*cking idiot! Dan, can you ask the victim what it feels like
to lose all his precious belongings? Sure thing, Tom.
Hey, stupid f*ck! Now that all your shit’s on fire,
what do you think you’re gonna miss the most? Uhhmm.. probably, my dog! I have a dog named Tanya Awww, that’s terrible, Dan!
Who the f*ck names a dog Tanya? I was thinking the same thing, Tom!
I thought only strippers were named Tanya! Well, Dan, you certainly would know, wouldn’t ya? Boy, that’s for sure, Tom! Can you tell me what breed the dog was? She’s a Dalmatian Ooowww, I don’t like Dalmatians, Dan! I once tried to feed my neighbour’s Dalmatian
a snausage one time and the motherf*cker bit my finger! Yeah, fuck Dalmatians, Tom!
I hope it’s dead! If anyone has any news on Tanya,
the missing stripper..*clears his throat* I’m sorry, Tanya, the missing Dalmatian Please, call the number below! Hold that thought, Tom It looks like a firefighter
was able to pull the dog from a second story window Saving poor little Tanya’s life Well, wait a minute, that dog’s name is Tanya?
I know a stripper, named Tanya! That’s miraculous, Dan!
I thought that dog was super dead! Yeah, I was hoping so too, Tom! I’m Dan Peterson, reporting for 13 O’Clock News! That’s a good girl there, Tanya! *growls and bites* Ah, son of a b*tch! Stupid-*ss Dalmatians! Back to you, Tom! [13 O’Clock Action News]
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